My Brother, A Daddy!

A few weeks ago, I received some exciting news! April 2009, my family will welcome it's newest member. My Brother is going to be a Daddy! Stevie and Christine are going to be parents! I could hear the excitement and the terror in his voice when he told me! The initial OMG, I am going to be a Dad and my life is going to change, quickly bubbled over with pride and excitement. I immediately thought of this essay written about becoming a parent. It's been a favorite of mine since I became a parent. I've kind of re-written it to make it more like a conversation between me and my Brother. This definitely says everything I would say to him if he asked me what it will be like becoming a parent!!
________________________________________________
We are sitting at lunch one day when my brother casually mentions that he and Christine are thinking of "starting a family."

"We're taking a survey," he says half-joking. "Do you think we should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know," he says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my brother, trying to decide what to tell him. I want him to know what he will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell him that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother and a father will leave them with an emotional wound so raw that they will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning him that he will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt him! That when he sees pictures of starving children, he will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at his stylish outfit and think that no matter how sophisticated he is, becoming a father will reduce him to the primitive level of a bear protecting his cub. That an urgent call of "Dad" will cause him to drop everything without a moment's hesitation. I feel that I should warn him that no matter how many years he has invested in his career, he would be professionally derailed by parenthood. They might arrange for childcare, but one day you will be going into an important business meeting and you will think of your baby's sweet smell. You will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure your baby is all right.

I want my brother to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's with Mom at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive you may be at the office, you will second-guess yourself constantly as a parent.

Looking at my brother, I want to assure him that eventually Christine will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That their life, now so important, will be of less value to them once they have a child. That you would give yourself up in a moment to save your offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish your own dreams, but to watch your child accomplish theirs. I want Christine to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My brother's relationship with Christine will change, but not in the way he thinks. I wish he could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think he should know that he would fall in love with Christine again for reasons he would now find very unromantic and vice versa.

I wish my brother could sense the bond he will feel with other parents throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I want to describe to my brother the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for him the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want him to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My brother's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my brother's hand and offered a silent prayer for him and Christine, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women and men who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.
______________________________________________
2009 is going to be a big year for the Earnhart's with Liz getting married and the birth of Stevie's baby. I have been waiting, patiently, for this turn of events to occur in my family. Being the oldest is hard. I have always felt like I was at a different place in life than my siblings, not so much as kids but when major events started to occur in my life. When I got married, my brother was 21 and my sister was 16. Not a lot we could share. Then came Alex and Olivia. My brother and sister have shared tremendously in the joy of having a niece and nephew, but I still felt apart from them. I believe they felt the difference too. At one point, my Dad even pointed it out that it's hard having kids when others don't. He speaks from experience himself being a young parent. I feel like maybe there will be more excitement in our family as my brother and sister start having families of their own. Cousins that my kids can look forward to seeing when we go to Grandma and PawPaw's house. Nieces or Nephews that will put a twinkle in my eye just like my kids do with their Auntie and Uncle Moo Moo. I cannot express the joy I am feeling at this moment! Sharing with my Brother the joy of having a child of his own will be priceless. Something I am really looking forward too!

Congratulations Stevie and Christine!!