Moving Along!

So things are moving along! For the past few weeks, I have been battling with various emotions which have lead me to blog very little. I apologize to those who were tired of seeing no new entries. I wanted to blog about what I was feeling but felt that surely my readers didn't want to hear about them. Well today, I thought I would write whether good or bad, I would write!

A few weeks ago, I was talking with the Director of Olivia's preschool, Miss Michelle. We were discussing the possibility of Olivia not being socially mature and that we may want to put her back in the 3-year old class rather than the 4-year old class. Olivia is right on the edge of the August 1 cut-off for Kindergarten so it's a hard decision. We both agreed that emotionally, she regressed a little over the summer rather than matured. When Miss Michelle first broached this subject, I was torn. I was so looking forward to her going to Ambrose next year with Alex and only having one tuition bill. I also felt like a failure...like I let Olivia down. I definitely want to do what is right for Olivia and not make her school years any harder than it has to be. Olivia is very smart and loves doing actual schoolwork. We decided to give the 4-year old class a 1 month trial to see if she behaved in class and was able to listen to the teacher. I talked with Miss Lisa yesterday and she feels that Olivia is doing remarkable. She feels it would be a mistake to hold her back that intellectually, she is ready for school. She assured me that we will see her mature more over the next couple of months. We have definitely been working with her on her attitude at home. I am sure it is tough being so little!! So, we still have a few more weeks of the trial but it seems like we are moving right along and I am going to be the Head Room Parent for her class.

Jimmy's procedure with getting into the Police Academy is also moving right along. After he passed all three components of the application process, they told the recruits that some of them may receive a letter indicating the process has ended for them and they are no longer being considered. Good news for Jimmy, his references have received their letters and everything is moving along. So we are waiting patiently and Jimmy is training for the Academy.

One thing that has not been moving right along is my weight loss. I didn't really want to discuss it here but it has been weighing heavily on my mind for months now. I feel like a complete failure!! After I lost 15lbs, things have stalled. I am really trying to get back on course. I keep thinking what was I doing before that made it seem so effortless? Where was I emotionally during those months? My weight has been an issue all my life and I hate it. While talking to my dear friend about this, she mentioned that I can't just fix the outside (which is what I have been focusing on), I need to fix the inside to and let myself feel that I am worth it. It's just so hard when you don't feel worth it. (See, this is part you probably didn't want to read about!)

I've discussed everyone here but Alex. I can't forget my baby boy! He has been doing so great! I am so proud of him. He is swimming 3 nights a week - 2 of those nights are for a competitive swim team. He loves it. He's also playing soccer. On top of this, he has been doing well in school. We are still working on the reading and soon he will start his Title 1 reading class. I am positive that will give him that extra nudge to reading better and stronger!

My Brother, A Daddy!

A few weeks ago, I received some exciting news! April 2009, my family will welcome it's newest member. My Brother is going to be a Daddy! Stevie and Christine are going to be parents! I could hear the excitement and the terror in his voice when he told me! The initial OMG, I am going to be a Dad and my life is going to change, quickly bubbled over with pride and excitement. I immediately thought of this essay written about becoming a parent. It's been a favorite of mine since I became a parent. I've kind of re-written it to make it more like a conversation between me and my Brother. This definitely says everything I would say to him if he asked me what it will be like becoming a parent!!
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We are sitting at lunch one day when my brother casually mentions that he and Christine are thinking of "starting a family."

"We're taking a survey," he says half-joking. "Do you think we should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know," he says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my brother, trying to decide what to tell him. I want him to know what he will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell him that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother and a father will leave them with an emotional wound so raw that they will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning him that he will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt him! That when he sees pictures of starving children, he will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at his stylish outfit and think that no matter how sophisticated he is, becoming a father will reduce him to the primitive level of a bear protecting his cub. That an urgent call of "Dad" will cause him to drop everything without a moment's hesitation. I feel that I should warn him that no matter how many years he has invested in his career, he would be professionally derailed by parenthood. They might arrange for childcare, but one day you will be going into an important business meeting and you will think of your baby's sweet smell. You will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure your baby is all right.

I want my brother to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's with Mom at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive you may be at the office, you will second-guess yourself constantly as a parent.

Looking at my brother, I want to assure him that eventually Christine will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That their life, now so important, will be of less value to them once they have a child. That you would give yourself up in a moment to save your offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish your own dreams, but to watch your child accomplish theirs. I want Christine to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My brother's relationship with Christine will change, but not in the way he thinks. I wish he could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think he should know that he would fall in love with Christine again for reasons he would now find very unromantic and vice versa.

I wish my brother could sense the bond he will feel with other parents throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I want to describe to my brother the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for him the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want him to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My brother's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my brother's hand and offered a silent prayer for him and Christine, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women and men who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.
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2009 is going to be a big year for the Earnhart's with Liz getting married and the birth of Stevie's baby. I have been waiting, patiently, for this turn of events to occur in my family. Being the oldest is hard. I have always felt like I was at a different place in life than my siblings, not so much as kids but when major events started to occur in my life. When I got married, my brother was 21 and my sister was 16. Not a lot we could share. Then came Alex and Olivia. My brother and sister have shared tremendously in the joy of having a niece and nephew, but I still felt apart from them. I believe they felt the difference too. At one point, my Dad even pointed it out that it's hard having kids when others don't. He speaks from experience himself being a young parent. I feel like maybe there will be more excitement in our family as my brother and sister start having families of their own. Cousins that my kids can look forward to seeing when we go to Grandma and PawPaw's house. Nieces or Nephews that will put a twinkle in my eye just like my kids do with their Auntie and Uncle Moo Moo. I cannot express the joy I am feeling at this moment! Sharing with my Brother the joy of having a child of his own will be priceless. Something I am really looking forward too!

Congratulations Stevie and Christine!!

Ju Jitsu

As you know, Olivia wants to do "big" kid things. Well, she is finally able to attend Ju Jitsu class with big brother Alex. After not going to Ju Jitsu in over 6 months due to other obligations on Saturday morning, Jimmy and Alex were finally able to get to a class last Saturday. Olivia really wanted to go and Jimmy thought she was ready. We put Alex's Gi jacket on Olivia. She looked so cute! She was ready! I wasn't sure how Ju Jitsu class was going to go after seeing the way dance class has gone, but to my surprise, Olivia did so well!! She really concentrated. Jimmy's chest was just swelling with pride. Sensai told her to watch big brother. You can see from the pictures that she has really good form. After about 30 minutes of intense workout, she was tired and done. She walked off the mat. The rule is before entering and leaving the mat, you are suppose to bow, she was having none of it. She was tired and hungry. We watched big brother for another 15 minutes. Alex did excellent. He remembered the kata and everything. At the end of class, he wrestled another boy but this boy was younger and smaller so Alex went real easy on him. He's so sensitive like that. Sensai really complimented both Alex and Olivia. I am so proud. Then, Jimmy had his 2 hour class. He keeps trying to get me to learn it but I really don't want to be thrown around on the mat. Not my kind of fun!!