My thoughts today

Today, my thoughts are so negative, I wish I could escape my own mind. Maybe it's because I am so exhausted and overwhelmed that these thoughts just keep creeping up on me. I don't like it. I hate these moments when nothing in my life feels as it should or seems as it should. I have so many blessings in my life. I am grateful for each and every one. But somehow today, even though I keep trying to push that curtain back to see the light, all I can see is the dark. (Funny thing, as I just finished typing that last sentence, the light in my office went out. It's one of those sensor lights and when I sit at my computer and type for awhile, it goes out automatically. Guess you had to be there!)

I have always been the victim of worrying about what others think. Last night and into today, that feeling is ever present and I wish it would go away. I sat in my car before walking into work to listen to a song that just catches my heart. Celebrate Me Home by Kenny Loggins. I sat back and just listened wondering if all my loved ones who have passed away would rejoice in hearing this praise. I know I would definitely Celebrate! But instead of making me feel rejoiced, I feel just sad.

Now, it could just be that these feelings have surfaced due to it being "that time of the month" (sorry, I know, TMI) but I despite all my blesssings, I look back on my life and feel...like a failure. I see so many lost opportunities, so many wrong decisions, some unhappy times. I have a saying that I love...

Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles one has overcome while trying to succeed.

I have this posted to the wall right above my computer and read it daily. As a way to help me realize that I can overcome or change all that I feel is not right in my life. Right now, I am just too exhausted, too overwhelmed to think of all that I need to change, want to change. I guess I should follow Stalin's quote:

"Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently."

Let's hope that tomorrow's day is a little brighter. At least I get to go home after work and not have someplace else to run to. But I just groan at the thought of the piles of laundry and dishes that need to be done! Blessings! I need to remind myself that these are all blessings and stop my moaning.